Capt'n Got Crunched: The Coco Crisp Saga

Let’s review how this whole thing started.  Crisp is upset because he jammed his finger sliding head first into second where Jason Bartlett had the bag blocked off with his knee.  So he retaliates by trying to rip off Aki Iwamura’s family jewels?  Then, when the Rays (as any team would/should have) retaliate he charges the mound

Exactly who is the jackass here?  IMHO it is without a doubt ‘Special K’ Crisp.  After his little charade he has shown himself to be nothing but a whining jerk softer than soggy corn puffs.  Hey, if the guy gets his jollies by fondling another man’s puckage that’s one thing, but go to a truck stop or a rest room at the GOP convention to do it.  Don’t do it at second base and don’t do it to Aki’s puckage.

Aw, paw witttle Cocco Cwisps hurt his wittle pinkie because dat mean buwwie Jason Bawtlett bwocked the bag wit his kneebone.  Mommy, mommy Jason’s pwaying mean mommy, make him stawp, Whaaaa.

Learn how to play the game Corn Puff.  Bartlett did absolutely nothing wrong nor shady as Froot Loops insinuated.  He blocked the bag with his knee.  That’s sound fundamental baseball.  He didn’t slam down on Crisp’s hand with his knee; his knee was already positioned on the ground in front of the bag before the Frosted Flake slid in.  Hey numbnuts, if you don’t like it here’s an idea.  Don’t slide head first.  Come in feet first and I guarantee Bartlett will think twice about blocking off the bag.

But no, this little wimp throws a forearm into Aki’s Lucky Charms.  Then he has the audacity to thump his chest at Maddon and the Rays declaring him the Alpha man.  Alphaass is more like it.

If he was half a man he would have done the right thing on Thursday.  Shields plucked him in the thigh.  The thigh?  The thigh!  Capt’n got Crunched should have taken his medicine like a man; smiled and trotted off to first base grateful he got off so lightly by only getting hit in the thigh.  And for Bo-sox fan to take umbrage is ridiculous; if it had been Pedro or Roid-Raged Roger the batter would be spitting out chiclets with Bud Selig’s initials on ‘em.