OTTOTD 12/8/10: A Fireside Chat with Matthan's Favorite Player, O's DH Luke Scott

LS: First of all, the reason the Second Amendment was put into place was to keep the government from controlling the people. History will tell you everything. Just look at anywhere else in the world. Look at Russia, look at Eastern Europe, look at South America. Gun control means control. It means control for the government and the government starts controlling the people.
I’ve spent time in Venezuela. I played down there. I’ve seen what happens with the people down there. People are in the streets throwing rocks and they’re getting mowed down with machine guns. It has nothing to do with crime. Crime is actually less in places where people own guns. Washington, D.C. is a case in point. It has the strictest gun laws, but who has the highest crime rate in the country? Washington, D.C.

Did anyone else read it?

LS: Obama … hmm … Obama does not represent America. Nor does he represent anything what our forefathers stood for. This country is basically built on an attitude. It’s a way of life. It’s not because you’re born here. It’s not that you’re supposed to take from those who have and give to those who haven’t. That kills a country. It killed Russia.

So, I tried reading The Sports Guy’s book last night. I’m 8% of the way in (start of the Russell/Wilt chapter). I can already tell this is going to be a chore. Everything I hate about Simmons has been ubiquitous so far: references to the same fucking shows and movies (already a Shawshank, several The Wire and Sopranos, one Heidi/Spencer), babbling about gambling (though I have to give him a mild pass here, since it is the framework for the Isaiah story), elevating the Boston sports fanbase to kingmakers and sports connoisseurs (I will give him props for discussing the city’s racist past, though its brief and most of it is in a footnote), name dropping his stint on Jimmy Kimmel (that show isn’t now nor has it ever been funny, quit aligning yourself with it), and this joke structure: “Any time you have the chance to [trade for/sign/other verb] [player(s) x/other object] for [dollar amount], you gotta take it.” I HATE THAT JOKE. It’s not even a joke. There’s barely a punchline. He’s just being snarky and he’s gotten so fucking rich off of it, along with the “i will set myself on fire” gag. Haven’t gotten to that one, yet. I will start reading with a bowl or small trash can by my side, because I’m sure its coming.

I kept hearing that Simmons does a nice job with the basketball aspects of this book, so I kept reading, giving him the benefit of the doubt. I still will try, but the The Secret chapter smacked to me like Simmons backpedaling on Isaiah because a)Isaiah was cool to him (classic spineless sportswriter move) and b)Isaiah had given him a unique narrative on a tired concept. “I want to splooge my thoughts about all of the basketball players ever but that’s been done a million times, for free, on the internet, so what can I do to sell this book and make further riches without thinking of a new joke? I know! A redemption story for Isaiah, because I’m a starfucking whore (see that episode of SportsCenter where I played videogames with Tiger Woods). The Secret will be the fulcrum of the story, the lens through which I attempt to isolate the best from the best! It is wisdom passed down to me from the Mount of Champions and I will reveal it to the knuggledragging masses, for a small fee.”

After The Secret chapter concluded, I felt like Simmons’ main objective was doomed. He had stated in the prologue that this book will try to define the best players in NBA history. But The Secret, which he espouses as the key to winning championships, is anti-individualistic. I obviously haven’t gotten that far in the book, but I’m wincing already at Simmons using The Secret to deify a player he fetishizes. The Secret is anti-statistical, which Billy seems to get off on (“you have to pay attention, you have to watch the game” – this line is repeated throughout the first chapter, as though watching the game and putting reliance on statistics are not things that the same person would do) but I bet that Simmons will use a shitload of numbers to back up his claim that Player X is better than Player Y. It’s impossible to make a comparison between players without using numbers. I feel like Simmons has not only hamstrung himself with this whole The Secret agenda, but that he’s going to look mega hypocritical as the book goes on. Sutt told me that at times in the book, you’d find yourself really agreeing with Simmons and appreciating the point he took forever to make, but then two pages later you’d want to strangle him for ruining his own effort. I didn’t know what that meant without having read the book, but I’m starting to develop an idea.

They sold out of these in my size, but if you did want some good winter boots here you go (only $158):

Does Auburn head coach Chizik deserve coach of year when he owes it all to Malzahn and Newton??

http://www.baseballamerica.com/today/prospects/rankings/organization-top-10-prospects/2008/265414.html

http://www.baseball-reference.com/blog/archives/9406

http://spectrum.columbiaspectator.com/spectrum/five-students-arrested-in-frat-row-drug-bust

SUCK IT WORK COFFEE!

JonathonLittle This front office makes it really difficult for me to support them… The Garza rumors better not be true. #rays

To achieve balance in all things, a new startup called Prima Cinema apparently figures while the proletariat are rejoicing over Netflix all you can eat $7.99 streaming and Redbox $1 rentals, there’s room at the high end and will offer a $20,000 digital delivery system to bring home first-run movies as soon as they come to theaters in theaters for $500 a pop.

http://www.engadget.com/2010/12/08/prima-cinema-plans-to-offer-500-first-run-movie-downloads-with/