OTTOTD - Bye Bye Sid the Kid

DraysBay mod "EminenceFront" has told me if I want to get unbanned, I need to write a 1000 word essay on why "I belong on DraysBay and why the influence I bring is Positive." Luckily, he did not say it had to be on topic, or be of any sort of quality whatsoever. So prepare for a few hundred paragraphs of on topic writings and then 700 words of "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.." The reason you are reading this, is because EF says it will be today’s OTT, assuming he doesn’t go back on his word.

The reason, as stated by EF for banning me is this: "You’re terrible." A strong statement, and one that is probably true. I won’t go into how this technically isn’t breaking any rules, or how EF has a grudge against me, because those are shitty arguments. It’s one thing for me to shit up the off topic thread, or the game day thread, but one thing I haven’t done is shit up a thread which involves actual baseball discussion, or serious discussion outside of the Off topic thread. My biggest problem with being banned isn’t because I’m getting banned per say, its because I’m getting banned for shitting up a thread full of dick jokes, while sternfan gets to shit up a thread where intelligent conversation goes on with some sort of weird "Boys Will be Boys!" mentality to defend completely ruining, derailing, and shitting up a thread.

Even when I do post in ‘serious’ threads, you would be hard pressed to find me say something other than an addition or a point relevant to the subject, a question on the subject, or asking for clarification from someone commenting on the subject. Even if you were to ignore that point, what exactly am I being banned for? Making an inferior war veteran joke in a thread where the majority of users are waiting for a man who calls himself "Cracker Jack" explode on someone for optimal hilarity? Or was it for discussing music in an off topic thread? Let me summarize my feelings in a poem that I’m satirizing for the 1000th time:

"They came for the terrible commenter,

But I was not a terrible commenter.

Then they came for the large image posters,

But I was not a large image poster.

Then they came for the racists,

But I was not a racist.

Then they came for me,

and there was nobody left."

(Yes, I did just compare getting banned to getting genocided.)

There are those among you who not only want me gone, but for me to die a slow, painful, death(TGN1). To those who are ambivalent: Good. To those who actively support me staying: No SRQ, I will not send you lewd pictures of myself in a sexual manner. To daveh33: Check out that new Sleigh Bells album, its right up your alley and is listed as "Dream Crunk", so you know it has to be good! To Sandrew, if this doesn’t fly, I’ll, ugh, see you on Rays Index. If I have to.. To PlayOnWords, I now have found a babysitting job, please keep your extra room open, and stock up on Publix Brand Peach Tea, because that stuff is fucking delicious. To TGN1: Ya burnt. To Suttree: It’s worth sitting through The Kings of Leon to see The Black Keys and The Whigs. To RJ Anderson: Thanks for making your writing good enough for me to stick around this silly little place in the first place. To the solid posters I don’t have something personal for: BucWild, IntrepidX, Kericr, rglass: Keep on Keeping on. To the current staff: Tommy and Erik are solid, and I’ll keep writing the quality you pump out indefinitely. To FreeZo: Thanks for the Minor League posts, the minors are my favorite little thing to obsess over, and the highlights were better than what I ever put out. (PROTIP: I was a terrible writer here, please don’t judge me on my terrible stories.). Fuck the following people: Matthan, Sternfan, Various trolls, and SRQMan.

I’m at about 700 words at this point, which is about 500 more then I originally planned, and while this is long and livejournalish enough: Fuck it, 99% of you stopped reading after the second paragraph, and its time to finish what I started. Despite what EF may think, I am not SRQ Lite. DraysBay is/was my favorite place to talk about my favorite sports team, and being wrapped into the community aspect was just an accident. I have enjoyed my stay here, even if you haven’t, and if this is my last rodeo? Fuck it, it was a great run.. I’ll still be lurking occasionally, and if I get hosed, I’ll probably get off my lazy ass, make a proxy, and rejoin you guys on secret.

I can only ask that you guys at work hold up your coffee/tea, pour a little out on the floor, and give some to your fallen homie. Think of Kitty Kaz, think of Edlose Jacksuck, think of the endless Sonny/Edwin debates, think of SRQ flashing the west side sign at the ASG, think of the hipster music threads, think of typing without vowels, think of Dan Johnson slamming one off Papelbon, think of Pee Wee running out of the pet shop with snakes, think of the dancing furries, think of OrlandoRays’ legendary fanpost, think of Troy Percival making us all lose and cry, think of Matt Garza being spitfire, Think of Cork wrongly accusing me of shitting up his comment threads, think of me, then move on.

Then realize you just spilled coffee on the office carpet, rush to the break room for windex and a paper towel, and clean that shit up. That stuff stains, and your boss is going to be super pissed off at you for doing it. Maybe you could try hiding it under your briefcase?

PS: I just spent 45 minutes writing this shit because I don’t want to study or do homeword. The fuck is wrong with me.

PPS: Music played while writing: The Depreciation Guild – Spirit Youth, pretty good album if you like shoegaze, would recommend it. Until the last paragraph, when yeasayer’s "I remember" came on. I felt like god had picked out the song instead of shuffle.

And I’m burnt,

P Brady