OTTOTD 7/14: How did your fantasy team All-Stars do?

Verlander was in there.
Wright
Miggy
Cano
Sori
Toriiiii

Tater Nut All-Stars:
Valverde 1 IP 3K

And thats it….. Thanks for having the draft on Pesach!

1. “This actress knows how to make the most of surviving in a bad economy. Not content with her income from acting roles, she offers a little personal service on the side, available to both men and women. Anyone can spend a full 24 hours with her for a mere $50,000. While there isn’t a published list of the services included, we were informed that that she is willing to get incredibly personal with you for the money. Generous tip expected.”

2. “This C list television and movie actress who is currently on a middling success on a network is not winning friends among the cast. She is currently dating a married producer on the show which she seems to feel gives her carte blanche to be the biggest b**tch she can to the female cast. As for the men, she flirts with them all non-stop and got one of her C+/B- list actor co-star into a huge fight with his B list movie girlfriend. The reason? Our troublemaker came into his trailer holding a towel and asked him if he could unscrew a jar of pickles. I kid you not. Pickles. Just at that moment, his girlfriend decided to pay him a visit. Absolutely no one likes her, except the boss. So, she stays.”

3. “Which comedian’s wife can’t keep a nanny? Word on the street about how abusive she is as a boss has would-be employees turning down major bucks from her.”

4. “Which sexy singer is cheating on her boyfriend with a bartender she met at party? She looks like the sweetest thing – but she is really a rather naughty minx.”

5. “Which Hollywood producer is divorcing his actress bride after just a few months of marriage because he caught her cheating? The beauty had a tryst with the son of a prominent couple in the sports world.”

6. “Which divorced lawyer, a regular talking head, moved from New York to Los Angeles with her children because of her love for a much younger suitor?”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/dailypitch/post/2010/07/elijah-dukes-to-play-independent-baseball-in-newark-nj/1

HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!!!! I’m gonna meet, or try, Pat Benatar this weekend! And then, well…the second adventure in Chicago is a secret. Mostly cause I’d think every female friend would think less of me if I said something. You’ll just have to wait for the pix!

Verlander, Longo, Rolen, Hughes, Prado, Sori,V-Mart.

http://blogs.ajc.com/radio-tv-talk/2010/07/13/margaret-cho-wants-to-be-in-playboy/?cxntlid=thbz_hm

Margaret Cho already spends plenty of time at kitschy strip bar Clermont Lounge. So why not pose for Playboy?

"I really think I should do it before I’m 50," she told mid-day host Mara Davis Tuesday during the Dave FM’s "Lunch Hour Takeover," which I attended. "I’d like to do it sooner than later… It’s cool when older women do stuff like that. It’s something older women can be proud of."

DO. NOT. WANT.

Build a giant fence

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=dc9_1279058187

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=5377542

WASHINGTON — A rare Stephen Strasburg baseball card is hitting the auction block again.

…

The anonymous owner tried to sell the card on eBay in June, but that auction ended when outrageous bids exceeding $900,000 could not be verified.

The card’s starting bid is $9k, but it’s expected to sell for OVER 9-THOUSAND

Senior prom for senior citizens at the Trop on August 18.

Tune in for hilarity

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zueBIND2If0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPD0IjYY-Uw

My interest in the wonderful lives of the hollywood elite seems to be waning!?!

Anyone else play it yet?

Seemed like deal at $35 from kmart.

scene 3

I approach 36 C first. 36 C because I can tell immediately that her natural breasts fit snugly into a 36 C cup. also her name starts with a c i think. carmilla, carmen, carie. something like that. she would make a fine secretary.
-

“hello”
“hi”
“nice day isn’t it?”
“why are you wearing a skirt” she states moreso than questions.
“there was a scottish log-tossing competition in Miller’s Park this afternoon”
“you don’t look like you could toss a log very far”
“well i did come in dead-last”
“i would’ve guessed so”
what a sparkplug this one.
“where is a good place to eat around here?” i ask as though i haven’t left my office in 3 years.
“do i look like a tourist guide?”
“no you just look lovely”
now she’s annoyed for sure. i wipe her stank-eye off my face and move on to the fat fellow.
--

the fat fellow is old but has this glow about him.
“what have you got in the cart?”
“just pretzels, and mother’s milk.”
“mother’s milk?”
“yes, for my children.”
“what chil—-” the word cannot pass my lips before I notice that the man is not wearing pants. and there are three newborn babies behind him, clinging to his fat calfs.

“3 dollars for a pretzel and a glass of milk.”
“that seems a bit expensive”
“its all organic”
“oh, does it come from a far——” the word cannot pass my lips before i see him literally shit out a newborn human child.
this is so weird that i ejaculate pretty hard and quick.
the man notices this and looks extremely disgusted.
“pederast” he screaches as he punches me harder than i’ve ever been punched before. i feel my nose cry out, i feel my teeth re-align, i feel myself falling, and i feel like closing my eyes or blacking out, i guess.
-

i wake up to the hills of 36 C. she is wearing some sort of perfume on them. this is my first time in the Himalayas and I am my own Sherpa. I smell mother’s milk but i think it is from the fat man mother-shitter. 36 C is not a mother. she lacks the glow.
--

but i am mistaken. she is a mother of 2, she tells me as i thrust deep inside her. we are in some small square of a park, and there is a bee buzzing around my anus. i wonder if it goes inside me, just how hard would i cum. i think of peaches and i’m cumming before i came. i grab onto the 36 c’s for dear life. i haven’t done this in a while.
--

what a whore she was. a sucker for a guy who’d just gotten knocked out. said she just wanted to brighten my day a bit. random acts of kindness from strangers. i kind of hope that i impregnated her. imagine meeting her again in 9 months to a swollen stomach. i would quite literally laugh out loud.
--

‘holy shit" i say to myself.
’holy shit’ i hear echoed from the gut of the fat mother-shitter across the square.

we are both looking at the bum. sprawled out in a pool of his own blood. its sticky. how long was i in the bushes with 36 C? it is hot outside. the death-face left on the dead bum’s face is ghastly. i puke in my mouth and look up at the fat old mother-shitter, who’s crying.
--

‘why are you crying old man? did you know this bum?’
‘he was my father.’
‘oh, sorry to hear that.’
several moments of silence. maybe even several minutes.
‘if he was your father, why was he homeless?’
‘he wasn’t. we lived together’ he sobs ‘he just liked pretending to be homeless’
‘did you see the murderer?’
‘no, i was with a customer. the first one i had today.’
‘i thought i was your first customer.’
‘the first paying customer.’
--

the large old mother-shitter is bent over the corpse of the disgusting old hobo. still sobbing. its been 15 minutes now. i just now realize he’s wearing a skirt, like me. and he’s also not wearing underpants. i see his disgusting asshole. i see his scrotum hanging beyond that.
‘at least my skirt is modest’ i think to myself. no i probably say it aloud. i’m leaving this scene.
-—

that was disgusting. that asshole was disgusting. this is all that i remember from the crime scene as i am almost off the block. i do not remember the face of the dead hobo. i do not remember anything about 36 C except her name that i made up. i do not remember the cause of death for the old hobo. i near the food cart of the sobbing mother-shitter. i grab 3 pretzels.
--

my reasoning is that i would’ve conned the hobo out of something anyway. and since they share the same roof, then its like i conned the fat mother-guy too. so taking a few pretzels isn’t so bad. fat mother-shitter likely won’t remember how many pretzels he had left anyway.
“i bet some mustard would be good on these” i think to myself as i am already reaching for it.

my gaze sees over the cart. i see a pile of shitty fetuses. they are all breathing. some have opened their eyes. none of them cry or make any sound. they are all newborns and red-in-the-face. any other day of my life, this would strike me as very odd.
--

i flee the scene. i stuff my mouth full of salty pretzels. they taste good. there is something different about them. oh yes, 36 C’s juices, still enamored with my hands. haha, i had almost forgotten how far my fists had gone up there. i wonder how far they can go up Peaches, i cum a little bit as i chew my free soft pretzels. i walk briskly. its almost 4 o’clock now, and i hear a fire truck, and i bet my office is just ash by now. and i think of the pile of obedient fetuses, and my dead secretary, and the 2 dead bums. one murdered by unknown reasons, and one murdered by karma.

But thanks to those horrifying tapes it’s unclear when, if ever, we will get to see "The Beaver,‘’ directed by Mel’s longtime pal and defender (and "Maverick’’ co-star) Jodie Foster, starring the Mad One has a disturbed man who works out his problems with the help of a hand puppet. Anton Yelchin plays his son in the movie.

a very worthy chapter in the saga

http://www.theedge1059.com/article.asp?id=1875559&SPID=38037

http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html

I’m not sure why I keep finding this stuff today, ESPN is seemingly full of it. Cliff Lee Topps cards:

I wonder if they’ll do a 3rd with the rangers in the same pose.

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20100714&content_id=12246760&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb

Try to find the one sentence about price in that article. They talk more about the guy that last the voting to price then price who won the voting.