Shorts: The Recap (Non-Baseball)

Some stuff is too good to let slip deep in the back of an OTTOTD. For the sake of easy retrieval, here are the highlights of the DRB Fashion Faux Pas Committee on Men's Shorts.


RGlass: I prefer the 7inch (proper coverage), but the 9 inch seems to be coming in (mad gays last year were wearing them). The 5 inch is for the elss well-endowed that really like their quads. Umm the polin button downs are MONTE. The sweaters or w/e with them look retarded, but you don’t buy the stuff in sets. top 1 is a cardigan which is all the rage, though I won't wear them. 2 is a grey sweater. Not sure why that’s weird. 3 is a sweet blue poplin button down taht I believe I own (not from JC though, BB FTW!). Top 4 is a plaid button down with a crew neck sweater. Still don’t see what’s offensive. Flat front is the way to go and above the knee is a must. Pleated for more just hangin, and flat front for ball games and lookin MONEY. I used to rock ‘em longer, but then I realized how the ladies couldn’t resist the sexy, tan man-thighs. You gotta see my quads. Re: plaid. A simple madras is OK, but when you get too crazy or add cargos it can be a bit much. I prefer plain, seer sucker, or ones with cool aquatic life on them (fish, lobsters, etc.). The one prob with salmon shorts is finding a pastel polo that doesn't scream look at me. Gotta go with a simple yellow or something to keep it from being “too much.” I rock a 38/40 and I'm not that fat. Just big. 42 can still be dec. You have to have manly thighs to pull it off. Being of W. European stock helps because we don’t get that gross WOPy leg hair. I'm comfortable in jeans and a tshirt. As long as the jeans were a hundred bucks.

DPIR: I'm not sure what the fuck a J-Crew is but you should only shop at Old Navy. I'm still young and need to show off my swag.Okay, it's still winter season. If you want to be big pimpin', you need to buy some of their short-sleeved button downs. Under that, you need to sport a long sleeve t-shirt, either gray or white. Compliment it with some khaki shorts and shit if you’re in the mood, but some gel in your hair. Hey, some of us are still hip, young, and cool. Can't be going out dressed like I'm all professional and shit, wtf? Listen, take this advice from an 18 y/o college kid. Jorts are for douchebags. I don’t think I see many people wearing them around campus and when they do they’re usually rocking the avaiators and wear skinny jeans when they aren’t wearing their jorts. Plaid shorts are fine but to a certain extent. You don’t want some flamboyant fucking design or colors on them. Keep it simple like a white/blue mixture. Only problem with plaid shorts is that you have to wear solid colored shirt to match with them. Cargo shorts are the most common from what I can tell. They’re sort of frat-boyish, but they’re fine. Personally, I prefer khaki shorts. As long as they aren’t too short (hang right at the knee or above it), they’re pretty badass. Wear these and you’ll be a pimp. If you’re buff and want to let everyone know that you workout err day, wear some gym shorts accompanied with a plain colored t-shirt. Usually you’ll see these dudes wearing a Tapout hat, as well. Listen, I don't make the rules. I just observe the trends. There's literally no other place to shop to make me feel like a pimp. I'd say American Eagle but it's way too expensive there. A groomer. I got one of them, it's pretty rad.


Warde: I love Jcrew shirts and polos. They fit so god. Khaki shorts are the only acceptable form of ‘nice’ shorts. The pockets are made for sunglass holding (so useful) and holding little plastic bags. 42 is average in America probably


Sandrew: There's a difference between jorts and jean shorts. If they aren’t homemade you’re probably ok.

JaxRaysGirl: I hesitate to give an opinion on this. Not everyone should wear shorts.  In general, though, I agree with DaPriceIsRight. However, some people should not wear shorts at all. I am of the opinion that jorts or jutoffs on men are never okay and should get the wearer a one way ticket to a trailer park where they will need to live the rest of their life. Well, I know it's really superficial, but if you are extremely overweight and you have sores and scabs all over your legs, cover that shit up. No one wants to see it. If you have Muppet furry legs, either trim them up, or wear pants, because wearing shorts over what looks like fur pants is just gross. Fat people.  They are everywhere. I don’t think they should sell shorts above a size 16 in women’s and I don’t think they should sell them in larger than a 42 in men’s.



42 is not really big. bump it up to 48 or 50 and we’re good.

This post was written by a member of the DRaysBay community and does not necessarily express the views or opinions of DRaysBay staff.

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