Here is a short list of things that we can talk about tonight. It is short because this was a pretty boring baseball game, and also because all baseball writers are lazy and incompetent.
- Today James Shields and Jake Odorizzi, two pitchers who were traded for each other, started against each other tonight! Also Wade Davis was brought in! This is
an incredible coincidencesomething that writers will mention when they are grasping at straws for narratives, and it ultimately means nothing, but I guarantee you that it'll end up on the front page of MLB.com. It'll probably read something like:
Royal Pain: Despite warm welcome, Shields chills Rays bats
- This game was way closer than the final score might lead you to believe. Juan Carlos Oviedo came in in the final two innings in what amounted to garbage time, and pitched like it, allowing four runs on seven hits. Everything, it seemed, was right out over the plate, and his usually lively changeups didn't have the break that they normally did.
- Kevin Kiermaier is a spark plug! He's got a great arm! He's all-out aggressive in the field and on the basepaths! He's a rookie who could use some better instincts! His baserunning could use some work, maybe! He's all of these things! In the third inning he showed some good things by leaping and stopping a ball that could've reached the wall, and some bad things by spinning and throwing as hard as he could, but wide, to third base, allowing Alex Gordon to reach second on the same play. It's a beautiful example of how playing hard can lead you to be called both dynamic and reckless, at the same time. In the bottom of the inning he ran hard and reached second base on a double that shouldn't have been. In the next at-bat he ran to third on a ground ball way ahead of him that (the Royals') Escobar might've thrown him out on, had he not already been planting his back foot and throwing to first. In the eighth he also made a dumb fielding error that allowed a runner to reach third, leading to another run. Split decision, 3-2 in favor of Dynamic.
- James Shields was very, very good tonight! He allowed one walk and three hits, only one of which was hit all that hard. Plus he had ten strikeouts. En Fuego. I miss him as a pitcher and as a clubhouse guy quite a bit. Do you think we can trade David Price for him? This would be a good trade. Let's do it. If Dayton Moore hadn't blocked Friedman's number and unfriended him on Facebook I'm sure it'd have been done already.
- I mean, I know we scored a lot of runs in Detroit, but did they have to use them all of at once? It sure seems like it's feast or famine with these guys. Did the Rays even have a runner in scoring position after the third inning? No, they didn't! Plus, why am I asking you? I'm the one writing the recap! Also, you can't answer me anyway! I'm writing this in my living room while Comedy Bang! Bang! plays in the background. Are you aware of the concept of the fourth wall? This is my favorite bullet so far. I don't know how I will be able to top it.
- Ugh, look at that picture. It's like the Rays just flatlined. They kicked their legs a bit in the seventh, but then they went gentle into that good night. Let's just forget about this game and move on, shall we? Tomorrow we play the Royals again but it won't be James Shields pitching so we'll probably have a better chance.