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GDT: Erik Bedard will save us

That's what my search for objective knowledge in baseball has led me to believe.

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

This is what will happen to the Red Sox if they sweep the Rays. From Wikipedia:

This is a squamous cell carcinoma of the skin of the scrotum. It was first detected in 1775, where it affected chimney sweeps in their late teen and early twenties who had been in contact with soot since their early childhood. It was proposed that sweat running down their bodies had caused soot to accumulate in the rugae of the inferior surfaces of the scrotum.[2] Warts caused by the irritation from soot particles, if not excised developed into a scrotal cancer. This then invaded the dartos, enlarged the testicle and proceeded up the spermatic cord into the abdomen where it proved fatal. Irritation was discounted when it was experimentally shown in 1922, that an active ingredient of coal soot was a carcinogen.

(Seriously, though, this type of cancer was a very important part in the history of identifying workplace health risks. It's an interesting story.)

Today's Lineups

Ben Zobrist - RF Brock Holt - 1B
Yunel Escobar - SS Xander Bogaerts - SS
Evan Longoria - 3B Dustin Pedroia - 2B
Jerry Sands - DH David Ortiz - DH
Sean Rodriguez - LF Jonny Gomes - LF
D. Jennings - CF Alex Hassan - RF
James Loney - 1B David Ross - C
Jose Molina - C Jackie Bradley - CF
Logan Forsythe - 2B J. Herrera - 3B
Erik Bedard - LHP Jon Lester - LHP