Keys to the game
- Don't be losing in the eighth inning and then have to face Craig Kimbrel, baseball's scariest human crane.
- Confuse and enrage Big Papi by convincing him that "Papi" is really spelled "Poppy," a flower of some import.
- Don't hit anything in the outfield because Mookie Betts or Jackie Bradley Jr. will catch it.
- Hit 295-foot pop flies for home runs.
- Hold back tears when seeing David Price in a Red Sox uniform for the first time. Don't do it. Be strong.