August 25, 2280
This 264-year series with the Boston Red Sox comes to a close today, as Jake Odorizzi VIII takes the weathered Fenway Park hill for the final time. Odorizzi VIII will be searching for his first win against Boston since June, when the roving packs of mutant spiders psychically damaged the opposing Boston so much that he regressed into a psychological infant, severely affecting his command and mound presence.