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People who are not the same people: Part Deux

They are everywhere!

AFI FEST 2015 Presented By Audi Centerpiece Gala Premiere Of Columbia Pictures' 'Concussion' - Red Carpet Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images for AFI

We visited this topic 69 days ago the last time the Rays had an off-day, so I figured now was a good time to take another look. Because, boy howdy! There is so much confusion out there!

To recap for those of you too lazy to click a dang link: We all have those moments. Like when you’ve just have a long conversation about Jed Lowrie, only to realize you confused him with Brett Lawrie. Is that Bill Mueller? Or Kevin Millar?

And what about Rob Mueller?

Heck, if you’ve been around long enough, you’ve probably been doing it since Ralph Kiner wasn’t Al Kaline no matter how often you thought he was.

But who are the worst? Here are some more nominees, both current and past:

The Alex Gonzalez Paradox

Once upon a time, there were two Alex Gonzalezes who played shortstop in the Major Leagues at the same time. This caused no end of confusion for everyone, probably including their moms. In order to keep them straight, many of us developed little memory tricks. For instance, I always referred to the “imitation” Alex as “Alex the Marlin,” even after he left South Florida, and the “original” Alex as “Alex the Cub,” even though he spend the bulk of the career in Toronto. Because I don’t know why.

Alex the Marlin

Baltimore Orioles Photo Day Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

Alex the Cub

Toronto Blue Jays v Tampa Bay Rays Photo by J. Meric/Getty Images

The Chris Young Conundrum

This one is easier for fans to keep straight, because one is a serviceable right-handed platoon bat, while the other is a terrible starting pitcher. However, in our DRaysBay Slackchat, we have become increasingly convinced that it is more complicated for major league front offices. Otherwise, why do clubs keep signing Chris the Mediocre? I mean, he doesn’t even throw left-handed! Clearly the interns keep calling bad-pitcher-Chris when they mean to call platoon-bat-Chris at the start of negotiations, and then the front office is too embarrassed to cut him when they realize they’ve inked the wrong guy.

So! For you front office guys looking for a right-handed bat next off-season, we invite you to print out this section of the article and tape it to your computer monitor.

Chris Young (Serviceable Outfielder)

MLB: Boston Red Sox at Minnesota Twins Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Chris Young (bad pitcher)

MLB: Kansas City Royals at Toronto Blue Jays Nick Turchiaro-USA TODAY Sports

You’re welcome!

The Matt Barnes Deception

Nobody used to get Matt Barnes the perfectly ordinary baseball pitcher in Boston mixed up with Matt Barnes the odious philistine currently mauling basketball people for Golden State. But then Matt Barnes went all Matt Barnes on Manny Machado, and I dunno, I guess it’s a real possibility now. So in the spirit of preemption, I give you:

Matt Barnes

Memphis Grizzlies v San Antonio Spurs - Game Two Photo by Ronald Cortes/Getty Images

Matt Barnes (not pictured)

Boston Red Sox v Baltimore Orioles Photo by Matt Hazlett/Getty Images

The Pet(d)erson Principle

This one is just stupid. First of all, this is America, and we spell Peterson with the a got-dang “T” here. Also, who names their kid “Joc” or “Jace”? So much fail. How both of these guys aren’t playing futbol for some third division European club I’ll never know.

Joc Pederson

MLB: Pittsburgh Pirates at Los Angeles Dodgers Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Jace Peterson

MLB: St. Louis Cardinals at Atlanta Braves Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

The Will Wiles

So, Will Smith and Will Harris. One of these guys is allegedly right-handed, while the other is supposedly left-handed. One pitches for Houston, and the other is currently in San Francisco. Both are perfectly fine relievers, but which is which? I have no idea.

Will Smith?

MLB: Spring Training-Toronto Blue Jays at Baltimore Orioles Jonathan Dyer-USA TODAY Sports

Will Harris?

Cincinnati Bengals v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

The Will Wiles Wedux

One thing I know for certain is that neither of those guys is Will Smith, the legendary Philly street basketballer, whose promising career was cut short by a meddling, overprotective mom.

The World Premiere Of Disney-Pixar's 'Finding Dory' - Arrivals Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Bernie Would Have Won

And only the most dunderheaded among us still gets Will Smith the baller confused with Bernie Williams, the character actor from the classic Seinfeld episode “The Abstinence.”

That’s a Wrap!

That’s it for this installment of People Who Surprisingly Aren’t the Same People. Sound off in comments with anybody we missed so I can steal your ideas for the next one, and enjoy the off day!