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Ten ways the Rays can be even better in 2019: A serious list.

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When do pitchers and catchers report?

Dom did it

Presenting: The top ten Rasy things that need to happen next year but probably won’t.

10. Beat the Yankees at their own game: annoyance

The Yankees are famous for that dumb sound effect after an opposing player strikes out. It’s annoying. Sooo annoying. But it’s time to stop whining about how annoying it is, and fight fire with fire. And by “with fire,” I mean “with Balfour.”

Yes, the Rays should play a clip from one of the most iconic strikeouts in Rays history every time an opposing player whiffs, just to remind them of the proper protocol after such an event.

9. “Joey Wendle’s catcher’s mitt.”

8. I mustache you a question...

Rays players had an on-again, off-again relationship with facial hair in 2018. From Andrew Kittredge and his crazy ability to go from clean shaven to full blown mountain man in three hours, to Blake Snell’s adorable goatee attempt, facial hair is clearly a statement for lots of these guys.

I suspect it is just as often an attempt to change luck, and that is the driving force behind the next suggestion. Jake Faria had pretty successful rookie year with a beard. He had a less successful start to 2018, still with the beard. He came back from a DL stint, sans beard, but still struggled.

The obvious move is to try the beard again. But I’d like to suggest something far more radical, mostly because: 1) it is a sorely underappreciated variety of facial hair; 2) it is old school 3) I think Jake has the face to pull it off.

For instance, four words: Jake Faria Handlebar mustache.

Dom Did It

Jessica, you can help us make this happen, right?

7. Scooby Doo and Chuco Too

This next one has been suggested by so many other people, I’m not sure why it isn’t already in development. But we really need a web series where Willy Adames and Jake Bauers hit baseballs and solve crimes and mysteries. Perhaps with Sergio Romo’s dog Chuco as a sidekick.

6. Phamtastic Smile

A “Where’s Waldo?” children’s book series, wherein you have to find Tommy Pham smiling.

MLB: New York Yankees at Tampa Bay Rays Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

5. Novelization of Mallex Smith’s notebooks.

MLB: Milwaukee Brewers at Tampa Bay Rays Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

4. Kevin Cash wears the “dollar sign” jersey players weekend.

Also the Rays need to warm up to C.R.E.A.M.

3. Is a whole season of Kevin Kiermaier too much to ask for?

2. Why can’t we be friends?

On a personal note, I’d really like for Marc Topkin to unblock me on Twitter.

I’m really sorry!

1. Roe Roe Roe your boat back into the dugout

Finally, I think we can all agree that the development of Chaz Roe into a high leverage major league reliever has been one of the pleasant surprises of 2018. But we should never forget that his ridiculous slider is still one of the most fun pitches in baseball.

I’d even say it’s one that is deserving of it’s own celebration.

So, to wrap things up, I would like to submit for your approval three suggested finishing moves Chaz Roe could adopt for 2019 after a particularly embarrassing (for the opponent) strikeout. If you have a better one, feel free to add it in the comments.

  • John Cena: “Ooooo”
  • Stanley from The Office: “laughing”
  • Joey from Friends: I’m “sorry”

Poll

What should Chaz Roe’s finishing move be?

This poll is closed

  • 37%
    John Cena: "Oooo"
    (62 votes)
  • 29%
    Stanley from The Office: "laughing"
    (49 votes)
  • 27%
    Joey from Friends: I’m "Sorry"
    (46 votes)
  • 5%
    Other: see comments
    (10 votes)
167 votes total Vote Now