The Wu-Tang Clan Name Generator renames the Tampa Bay Rays

Nicknames are as much a part of baseball as pine tar and sunflower seeds. Sometimes they make sense, other times they don’t. No one questions a nickname that plays with a guy’s initials or is an obvious shortform of their first or last name. How many “Cabbys” and “Miggys” are out there right now? Answer: a lot.

Last season we were given the gift of the Player’s Weekend, in which players got to pick their own nicknames and proudly display them on their jerseys, and the results were tremendous, and a nice break from the “Robby’s” and “Kevin’s” and “Sooky’s” this team has been throwing around.

Kevin Kiermaier, for instance, went with his tried and true “Outlaw” a nickname that seems to emphasize how much of a badass he is.

With that theme in mind, we tried to come up with a nickname for the red hot Jake Faria during Monday’s outing against the Detroit Tigers:

Soto, for those who may not be aware, is Jake Faria’s fiancee (and a great sport about Faria nicknames). She might be more popular than he is, thanks to social media.

All of the above resulted in the following adventure to find Faria an additional rap-inspired nickname:

I don’t think this needs any further introduction...

The Rays have entered the Wu-Tang.

Using the name generator for the Tampa Bay Rays, here are our favorites:

• Chris Archer: Ruff Destroyer
• Blake Snell: Irate Conqueror
• Denard Span: Shriekin’ Desperado
• C.J. Cron: Master Killah
• Jose Alvarado: Unlucky Professional (it’s funny because it’s the opposite!)
• Jonny Venters: Smilin’ Ambassador
• Alex Colome: Insane Overlord
• Wilson Ramos: X-Pert Artist
• Adeiny Hechavarria: Lucky Warrior
• Carlos Gomez: Intellectual Conqueror
• Sergio Romo: Amazin’ Samurai
• Chaz Roe: Misunderstood Menace
• Rob Refsnyder: Annoyin’ Commander
• Nathan Eovaldi: Insane Assassin
• Mallex Smith: Irate Hunter
• Brad Miller: Wicked Genius
• Andrew Kittredge: Bittah Worlock
• Chih-Wei Hu: Master Leader
• Kevin Kiermaier: Thunderous Madman

Some Bonus Names:

• Brent Honeywell: Irate Pupil (accurate!)
• Christian Arroyo: Mighty Contender
• Willy Adames: Quiet Contender
• Jose De Leon: Phantom Menace
• Kevin Cash (Rules Everything Around Me): E-ratic Wanderer
• Jessica Soto: B-loved Magician

We leave you with some hip-hop wisdom:

Neglected for now, but yo, it gots to be accepted

That what? That life is hectic