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Top Ten Things Mike Trout is Bad At (Probably)

Our writers kill time speculating on what exactly the greatest baseball player we’ve ever seen might be bad at.

New York Yankees v Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

While I was supposed to be productive this morning, I stumbled across a tweet from Jon Tayler, where he talks about hoping that Mike Trout is bad at some really basic and easy things. And the tweet made me unreasonably angry. Not because he had insulted Mike Trout, but because this was the perfect premise for an article, and I would never get to write it because there’s no way in hell Mike Trout would ever be a Ray.

I was angry enough that I felt the need to discuss it in our writers’ room on Slack. The results were... enlightening.


John Ford So here’s a fun column I’ll never get to write bc Mike Trout will never be a Ray: Top Ten Things Mike Trout is Bad At (Probably)

10. Caligraphy

Adam Sanford

9. Gift wrapping

John Ford

8. Getting the last Pringle out of the can without tipping it over [Editor’s note: Can ANYONE do this?]

Adam Sanford

Wait, doesn’t everyone do the ‘pour the Pringle can into your mouth’ method when you’re at the final crumbs?

Jim Turvey

7. Drinking those squirty water bottles without getting half of it on your shirt

John Ford

6. Differentiating who “dealt it” from who “smelt it”

Danny Russell

5. Pouring coffee into a cup without spilling

Adam Sanford

I SAID BASIC AND EASY

John Ford

lol

Danny Russell

YO MOMMA IS BASIC AND EASY

John Ford

4. Conveying which meaning of LOL he meant in a text message

Danny Russell

4. should be using the right emoji

3. cracking an egg into a pan without getting little shell bits in there

Darby Robinson

2. Plugging in a usb into a computer within the first 2 attempts

Adam Sanford

1. sweeping and not leaving the last little trace bits

Danny Russell

Getting everything in the dust pan omg

John Ford

SO HARD

Seriously tho I bet he’s awful at telling jokes

Danny Russell

nah

no one is a team leader and not funny

John Ford

When you’re 8 WAR you don’t have to be funny


So, what about you? What basic and easy thing do you think Mike Trout is bad at?