While I was supposed to be productive this morning, I stumbled across a tweet from Jon Tayler, where he talks about hoping that Mike Trout is bad at some really basic and easy things. And the tweet made me unreasonably angry. Not because he had insulted Mike Trout, but because this was the perfect premise for an article, and I would never get to write it because there’s no way in hell Mike Trout would ever be a Ray.
I was angry enough that I felt the need to discuss it in our writers’ room on Slack. The results were... enlightening.
John Ford So here’s a fun column I’ll never get to write bc Mike Trout will never be a Ray: Top Ten Things Mike Trout is Bad At (Probably)
I really hope it turns out that Mike Trout is super bad at some really basic and easy thing, like folding towels or vacuuming.— Jon Tayler, Smiling Politely (@JATayler) June 13, 2018
9. Gift wrapping
8. Getting the last Pringle out of the can without tipping it over [Editor’s note: Can ANYONE do this?]
Wait, doesn’t everyone do the ‘pour the Pringle can into your mouth’ method when you’re at the final crumbs?
7. Drinking those squirty water bottles without getting half of it on your shirt
6. Differentiating who “dealt it” from who “smelt it”
5. Pouring coffee into a cup without spilling
I SAID BASIC AND EASY
YO MOMMA IS BASIC AND EASY
4. Conveying which meaning of LOL he meant in a text message
4. should be using the right emoji
3. cracking an egg into a pan without getting little shell bits in there
2. Plugging in a usb into a computer within the first 2 attempts
1. sweeping and not leaving the last little trace bits
Getting everything in the dust pan omg
Seriously tho I bet he’s awful at telling jokes
no one is a team leader and not funny
When you’re 8 WAR you don’t have to be funny
So, what about you? What basic and easy thing do you think Mike Trout is bad at?