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Orioles 11, Rays 2: O’s! Oh? Ohhhh no.

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Give me a week to come up with some Beeks puns.

MLB: Tampa Bay Rays at Baltimore Orioles Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

Are you having a nice evening?

Did you spend some time outdoors today, perhaps? Maybe you went to the beach, or maybe you did yard work. I don’t know what you did, but it kept you from watching this game, and for that, I salute you. Your night was better than ours. Don’t keep reading. Go back outside, I implore you. Watch a sunset. Have a cold beer if that’s your thing. Don’t subject yourself to the chronicle that follows.

Here there be dragons. Or at the very least, a lot of soft contact singles that ruin games.

Still here? All right, guys, it’s your life, but don’t say you weren’t warned.

As I write this, Adam Jones just hit an RBI double to score Baltimore’s 10th run of the game. Kevin Cash has relieved newcomer Jalen Beeks of the ball to make way for Jaime Schultz. Every single Orioles batter has a hit in this game.

Sure you want to keep going?

This looked good for the Rays initially. In the second inning Jesus Sucre hit a deep double to score Mallex Smith. The Orioles got their vengeance at the bottom of the inning with two home runs, one from Trey Mancini that also scored Chris Davis, and another from Joey Rickard giving the Orioles a 3-1 lead.

In the top of the third Kevin Kiermaier got a home run of his own, looking to close the gap on the score.

Then everything went terribly, terribly wrong.

Ryne Stanek pitched the first two innings and was responsible for the first three runs. He was then replaced by new trade pick-up Jalen Beeks who... well, he gave up more.

In 3.1 innings of work, Beeks gave up a double to Rickards that scored three runs, a single to Caleb Joseph that scored Rickards, another RBI double to Rickards (who made it to third thanks to an unfortunately error by Willy Adames on throw to home plate that bounced), Jospeh singled once again and scored Rickard (no, I’m not repeating myself), Adam Jones got the RBI double I mentioned above, and then Mark Trumo hit a sac fly to score former friend Tim Beckham. Eight runs charged to Beeks.

Welcome to the Rays, Jalen.

Right now I bet you’re feeling a bit woozy, kind of wishing you hadn’t kept reading, right? I did try to warn you.

After seven innings and 106 pitches (and only 2 runs), Kevin Gausman was done for the night, replaced by Mike Wright Jr.

Just when it looked like Jonathan Schoop might hit another home run but oh no you don’t, Joey Wendle just ROBBED it out of mid-air right before it went into a waiting fan’s glove. Sorry not sorry.

I guess that counts as something good! A reward if you got this far.

The Rays faced off against David Hess in the ninth. He hit Daniel Robertson (second time in two nights for DRob) to put a runner on, but alas there would be no late inning surge. 11-2 final score.