10 Aprils Fools article ideas you can thank us for not writing

10. Brendan McKay to start pitching right handed to alleviate 2018’s oblique concerns

9. Ryne Stanek loses bottle opener endorsement deal with Yeti after mowing down Astros in the 6th and 7th innings; picks up John Deere endorsement

8. Players hate new dome lighting: “Looks too much like the sky!”

7. Joey Wendle reveals treasured “grit” collection, featuring various types of sandpaper

6. Willy Adames claims credit for Tropicana Field’s new no-bookbag policy

5. Family of four revealed to be living in Tropicana Field’s abandoned 300-level

4. Rays clubhouse attendants still too nervous to make eye contact with Tommy Pham

3. Kevin Cash reveals odd sleeping habit: prefers to sleep under the mattress

2. Rays touch tank replaces cownose rays with Yandy Diaz as part of new Flex Packs promotion

1. After Wendle injury, Sandy Sternberg gets start at second base for today’s game

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