I don’t know about you, but I’ve had just about all the attendance, new ballpark, and split-city talk as I can take. Round about 8PM, I was ready for baseball. Sure, the Rays are skidding right now, going 2-6 on this road trip, but that’s no bulk guy taking the hill; it’s the Rays stopper, Charlie Morton, taking on Jake Odorizzi and the Minnesota Roccos. It’s gonna be okay.

We didn’t even have to send out our two catcher lineup. Lookit this, it’s almost like a real ball club.

First Inning

Okay, sure, we go in order in the first, but Pham has a nice at bat before getting called out on strikes, and Choi hits it kinda hard to first. It’s a long game.

And sure, Morton walks Arraez, the first guy he faced. But he comes back to strike out Polanco, and then he gets Nelly Cruz to tap weakly to third. So weakly, in fact, that it went for an infield hit. Really?

Stop it. It’s gonna be okay, John. Don’t panic. Dammit, where’s my towel.

Welp. Single to center by Rosario — seriously? What is it with that guy — and it’s 1-0 Twins. But we’re just a ground ball out of getting — dammit, broken bat single through the shift by Cron. 2-0. I think I need a drink.

Okay, so Morton gets Astudillo to line the center, then gets ahead Castro 0-2. Gotta limit the dam — are you kidding me? Wild pitch to score Rosario? 3-0. Oh, but Charlie gets his second K of the inning on the next pitch. That will help his FIP.

Second Inning

Austin Franklin draws a walk to start the second. Baby steps. Say, that’s a good old timey baseball nickname. Austin “Baby Steps” Meadows. Anyway, Odorizzi is very concerned with Baby Steps running, so this strikeout of Garcia takes forever. Next is KK — who I stupidity started in Ottoneu to — hey! It’s high it’s deep it’s gone! 3-2. We’re back in this thing!

No more offense this inning, but now we just need Charlie gets a quick shutdown inning. Nice job.

Third Inning

The Rays make outs in the third. One of them by Zunino is deep left center, but too high.

Tricia interviews Mike Brosseau’s dad. It’s a great dad interview.

With one out, Cruz and Rosario get singles, but Rosario pulls up lame rounding the bag and is tagged out And now I feel bad for saying mean things about him. Charlie gets out of the inning.

Fourth Inning

Leading off the fourth, Choi is held to a long single off the wall, thanks to a quick recovery by the Minnesota outfield and too much watching by Ji-Man. Meadows then sneaks one through the shift, but Astidillo in right throws behind Baby Steps and he’s TOOTBLAN’d. Garcia Ks, failing to score Choi from third. But KK — who I brilliantly sta— crap he strikes out too. Chicken, bone, yada yada.

Charlie pitches around a review-assisted infield single by Jake Cave in the bottom of the inning. Time to get the offense cranked up!

Fifth Inning

Or maybe next inning. The Rays go in order.

Leading off for the Twin, Arraez collects the third Twin infield single of the night. The Rays put down the chance with a pop out and a strike em out/throw em out.

Come on, guys. It’s starting to get late.

Sixth Inning

So I know I said I wanted to talk about baseball instead of what we’ve been talking about. But this whole stadium/Montreal situation is just karma coming back to bite St. Pete for trying to steal somebody else’s team all those years ago.

Anyway back to baseball.

There it is! Tommy Pham with a one out oppo drive over the balcony in right.

I wasn’t worried. 3-3, tie game.

Also: Is anybody else over this W.B. Mason commercial? We get it; it’s go time. So go.

The Twins make some wonderfully boring outs in the bottom of the frame.

Seventh Inning

Kevin Kiermaier — who I now have no idea what to expect from — gives one a ride to deep right center against new pitcher Trevor May. Dang it. But Willy Adames follows it up by showing everybody what a properly struck baseball looks like.

4-3 Rays! I love baseball!

With two out, Zunino and Lowe are hit back to back. But since they were both clearly unintentional, the baseball gods let May off the hook as Pham flies out.

Castro squirts one by Lowe, and Choi botches a double play ball to start the bottom of the inning. WTF baseball gods? I thought we had an understanding.

Morton strikes out Schoop to end his night. 6.1 innings, 8 hits, a walk and 7 strikeouts.

Poche enters, falls behind, they gives up a single to left to Arraez to load the bases. He then gets Polanco to pop to second. That ends his night.

Pagan on to try and finish off this threat. I am not feeling it. We have obviously done something to anger the baseball gods. He gets ahead 0-2, throws a nice slider down — and Cruz hits it over KK’s head for a double. Bases clear, 6-4 Twins.

In hate baseball.

Eighth Inning

Vanity of vanities, says the Teacher,

vanity of vanities! All is vanity.

What do people gain from all the toil

at which they toil under the sun?

A generation goes, and a generation comes,

but the earth remains forever.

The sun rises and the sun goes down,

and hurries to the place where it rises.

The wind blows to the south,

and goes around to the north;

round and round goes the wind,

and on its circuits the wind returns.

All streams run to the sea,

but the sea is not full;

to the place where the streams flow,

there they continue to flow.

All things are wearisome;

more than one can express;

the eye is not satisfied with seeing,

or the ear filled with hearing.

What has been is what will be,

and what has been done is what will be done;

there is nothing new under the sun.

Is there a thing of which it is said,

“See, this is new”?

It has already been,

in the ages before us.

The people of long ago are not remembered,

nor will there be any remembrance of people yet to come

by those who come after them.

~ Ecclesiastes 1:2-11

With one out, Meadows singles to right after a ten pitch at bat. He does not score. My Sling TV freezes.

Cron reaching on a Lowerror. He is stranded.

Ninth Inning

Rays go in order.

Remember it’s just a game.